Yesterday I had one of those awful moments where you totally loose your cool, scream your head off, threaten to confiscate all toys and ban TV forever!
I immediately felt terrible – like I was the worst mummy in the world!
As single mother’s we don’t have the luxury of someone else stepping in to help diffuse the situation, give us a hug and tell us it’s going to be ok. Thankfully I know I’m not alone; all parents have these moments (and those that say they don’t are lying!).
So it got me thinking about how other single moms deal with these outbursts and what’s the best way to reconnect with your child and to move on when you loose your cool?
I would love to hear your strategies, but here’s what I chose to do:
1. Take time out
Shnooks and I are both fiery characters and when we get worked up the best thing for us is to take to separate corners of the house. So off to our bedrooms we go, and with doors slammed tight we take a few moments to breath deeply and try to restore some calm (not that easy when you feel like your going to explode from rage or your sobbing so much you can’t breath properly!)
2. Hug and Say ‘I love You’
Once the tears and racing heart have stopped I always make sure that I get down to Shnook’s level, look him in the eye, tell him I love him and give him a big kiss and a hug.
3. Distract us with something else
In this instance I took us off to the park. I figured at least this way we moved away from the conflict and I actually got more time out as he played happily with other kids.
4. Revisit the issue once the dust had settled
Over dinner that night I brought up our argument and apologized for loosing it and explained why I got so upset. I think it’s important to show our kids that we’re human and that it’s normal to get angry and upset sometimes and that we too make mistakes.
5. Addressed the consequences
I threw around a lot of unrealistic consequences – like no TV forever. Obviously this is never going to happen, but I think it’s important for children to learn that there are consequences for bad behaviour. So in this instance I explained why I was so mad and frustrated by his behaviour and that now I was calm I realize that taking away all his toys and TV rights was extreme but he would not be able to watch TV tonight and I was confiscating his favourite game for 1 week.
This is how I chose to deal with my stressed out mom moment! It wasn’t the first and I know it wont be the last as no one can be calm and appropriate all the time!
I hope that my post fight actions will show Shnooks that I respect and love him but bad behaviour is inappropriate and will result in consequences.
So I’m wondering …
What do you do to reconnect with your children after a fight?
Any tips of advice on how to deal with mommy breakdowns?
Rebecca xx
I think that sometimes as single moms that we need to realize that we need to pick our battles. To try not to sweat the samll stuff and to live in the moment! So what if you throw a tantrum, your human. Move on and enjot the rest of the day.
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Hi,
I too am a single mother, in fact been a single mother since I was 5 weeks pregnant (terribly long and awful story). I am now settling in to my sons second year of life and I must say, the temper tantrums are what drive me most crazy.
I don’t have any new ideas for you as I do the exact same thing, swift time out is always the key. I find the time out sometimes is more for me to calm down than anything else. I think when we, as single parents, deal day in and day out with everything and don’t have a support network who walks in at 5pm then it becomes almost easier at times to fly off the handle from the stress and never catching that break we need some days. I have always found young children to be very forgiving though…more so what we have to remember is to forgive *ourselves* for over reacting. That can be a bigger dent than any ill feelings from a child. Like you said, we are all human, we don’t possess super human strength!
I agree with Rebecca, chose battles wisely! I find I do that ALOT!
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